


Bullet With Butterfly Wings

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Drama, First Time, Futurefic, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-03
Updated: 2004-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 09:23:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you believe in miracles, a blessing can come in any form. [Originally written for Clexfest Wave 7; also fits the Smashing Pumpkins Title Challenge.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bullet With Butterfly Wings

**Author's Note:**

> Written [12/11/03] for ClexFest Wave 7, First Line Challenge; also fits the Smashing Pumpkins Title Challenge. 

## Bullet With Butterfly Wings

by Lexalot

<http://www.livejournal.com/users/lexalot>

* * *

Bullet With Butterfly Wings  
By: Lexalot 

Summary: If you believe in miracles, a blessing can come in any form. 

Rating: NC-17 

Pairing: Clark/Lex 

Beta: Much thanks to lolitaluthor for the wonderful beta! 

Disclaimer: To own, you need to be greedy; To write fanfic, you need spirit, creativity, passion... In other words, things money cannot buy :) 

Inspiration and Reference: Music - "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins, "Why does my heart feel so bad?" and "My weakness" by Moby 

* * *

Everyone says your life flashes in front of your eyes when you're about to die; Lex just saw the bullets. 

He was going into hiding, forced underground by his arch nemesis. Lex had informed all necessary personnel of LexCorp that he would be in touch. He appointed a trustworthy replacement to run his multinational corporation in his absence. Her name was Talia, and she was the former lover of his former lover in boarding school. Talia and Bruce had a falling out recently, and Lex saw opportunity there. The enemy of his enemy was his friend. After an official announcement that he would be spending the summer abroad, he left his home, headed for a tropical island he had acquired secretly, his own private paradise to serve as the ultimate isolated getaway. There he could relax and there he could set up a base of operations to run his schemes and finally achieve global dominance as well as the eradication of the one thing on this planet that always stood in his way. 

But he never got there. In fact, he never even got out of Metropolis. Superman must have known Lex would escape to set his devious plot in motion if he did not stop him. That night on the docks, Superman confronted Lex before he could board a ship. He had ignored the plane Lex had sent up in the air headed towards Europe as a decoy for the press and public, and discovered Lex's real whereabouts all too easily. But Superman wasn't the only one. Someone else had found Lex, someone with murderous intentions. Before Superman even realized they were not alone, shots were fired. 

As if it were happening in slow motion, Lex saw them coming for him. He saw Superman race to take the gunman down, making the second and third shots go wide enough that Lex knew they would miss. But the first one was still on perfect course. Nothing came to Lex but the thought that this was it. This was the end of life as he knew it. No memories came because he willed them away. He did not want his memories. They were all bad. His recollections were full of darkness and regret. He was relieved his life was not going to flash before his eyes. He simply stared at the bullet and about one one-hundredth of a second before it impacted his head, he lost sight of the shot and everything went dark. 

Suddenly, out of the void came echoes. "Lex, no! Lex! Please, Lex!" His eyes opened, the various lights around the docks making him squint to see. A shape was there and arms were around him. Then, a beautiful face came into focus, looking to him distraught and shocked. His brow furrowed in extraordinary confusion. "Lex?" 

He thought for a second and realized he didn't have an answer for whatever question that was. "Maybe." Then, he looked back at the man dressed in the bright costume with the same puzzlement. "Who are you?" 

The stranger picked up his hand and eyed a very tiny object. It was a bullet and as a crimson liquid spread across the man's fingers from touching it, Lex realized it was blood. The stranger looked back at Lex with amazement in his eyes, and that made Lex keenly aware of a headache he had not realized he had. He lifted his hand to his head and almost immediately, he felt a small wound, like a cut, splitting the skin. The stranger stared at him intensely for a moment, his pupils dilating for a moment then returning to normal. "You really don't know who I am?" 

Lex tried. He really did. But the truth was that he would not even have surmised his own name if this man had not been calling him by it. Lex shook his head modestly. Then with sincere curiosity, he asked, "Do you know me?" 

The stranger choked out a sigh of disbelief. He glanced away, eyes darting around them searching the emptiness, almost as if for help. Looking back to Lex, the mysterious man stared at him anxiously, as if he did not know what to do. 

* * *

Superman had brought him here. He had offered Lex no explanations. He did not even attempt to explain the fact that he was he flying, and Lex had merely observed in childlike wonder rather than ask. The stranger had simply picked Lex up, holding him by the waist at his side, and then flown them where they needed to go. 

They spent a little over fifteen minutes flying hours over city and countryside until they came to a cave in the woods. They waited there until another stranger dressed in costume appeared. This man was far more intimidating, his odd attire all black and his face masked. However, that did not hide the dark stranger's surprise of seeing the man in the red cape and the s-shaped emblem upon his chest there waiting for him with Lex at his side. Lex gathered that there was some shroud around this that required discretion and that his superhuman companion trusted this Batman. That was what he heard the golden man call their reluctant host, and their host called him Superman in return, which was how Lex learned that alias. He was fairly sure those were not their actual names, but again, he did not ask. 

After letting this Batman person subject him to a few superficial examinations and a brief medical analysis, testing indicated the obvious. Lex overheard them as he sat patiently buttoning up his shirt. 

"He's not faking. It's amnesia. As hard to believe as it may be, I think that bullet hit where that small hole in his cranium is and that somehow his physiology rejected it. His body has unique healing capabilities and it's almost as if the tissue expelled the bullet knowing it wasn't supposed to be there, and now, the wound can heal normally." 

"How long will that take?" 

"I don't know. The damage goes far deeper than that cut into his brain itself. Any trauma to the head can change a person." 

"Will he get his memory back?" 

"I can't say. It could come back when he heals. Then again, it might never come back. I've never seen anything like this, and by all right, he should be in a hospital, if not dead, but by all indications, he's fine. Aside from the loss of memory and possible temporary differences in personality, there's nothing wrong with him. It's impossible to know what we're dealing with here, but I think it would be wise to watch him carefully until we do." 

Lex could understand their concern. He was sure his condition made guidance a necessity. He did not know anything about who he was or his life, and he did not want to be alone right now. When Batman was done talking to him, Superman came over to Lex, and he did not pretend he hadn't been listening. He nodded as if in agreement with whatever unspoken suggestion Superman was about to make. Lex was a little scared and more than a little lost. "So, what now?" 

* * *

It was about three o'clock in morning when Superman dropped Lex on the open terrace outside this apartment. It was a small area with green plants and some potted flowers. The decorated concrete landing was at the top of a restored residential skyscraper. Superman knocked on the glass door and reassured Lex that the person who lived here would take care of him until they figured out what to do. As soon as Lex silently nodded his thanks, Superman took flight and left Lex standing there by himself in the warm night air. 

The second Superman disappeared from view, Lex felt abandoned, frightened, and vulnerable. A light came on and illuminated the curtains on the inside of the glass, and then they were drawn back to reveal a man with thick black glasses and disheveled curls looking at him inquisitively. Lex grew nervous immediately as the man slid the glass door back. "Come on in, Lex." 

His reluctance faltered as a warm smile formed on this new stranger's face. "So you know me?" 

"Yeah, I know you, Lex. I know Superman too. He called me. He told me what happened. Asked me to look after you for a while." There was something so askew about the man's behavior. He seemed to be holding so much emotion back, like he wanted to be happy and sad and close and distant all at the same time. "Please. Come inside." He appeared cautious yet inviting. Lex could only imagine why he was getting such an ambiguous reception. As Lex accepted the tepid welcome, he stepped through the open glass divider into a fair-sized living room. The man held his robe closed over his light blue pajamas, appearing a bit uncomfortable, but his eyes were so alive with compassion when he said, "I'm Clark. Do you... remember me at all?" 

Lex did not even have to waste any time thinking about it. He knew the answer to all such questions by now. "I'm sorry. I don't remember anything. It's all a blank. I wish I could remember, believe me." He spoke, sounding sadly sympathetic, hoping he did not offend his host with that reply. He did not want this man to feel insulted that he had been forgotten, because Lex saw something in him that was incredibly good. His kindness in giving Lex a place to stay made it that much more upsetting to Lex that he could not recall a single memory of this Clark. 

Clark did not react to his words at all, instead asking, "Would you like something to drink? Or are you hungry?" 

"I'm a little thirsty. Water would be great." Lex was trying not to be an imposition, but he got the sense he was more of one than he knew. 

His host ventured into the kitchen and left Lex in the white glow of the den. Lex sat down on the white sofa and it felt like falling into a field of cotton. The softness of it made him feel the exhaustion as it pooled behind his weary eyes, making his lids heavy. But before he could begin to drift off where he was sitting, Clark returned. When Lex opened his eyes, there was a large glass of water being offered to him. He took it graciously and then started to gulp it down. He had not realized how parched he was until now. Clark sat on a matching chair, adjacent to the couch, and drank from his own glass of water. He was staring blankly down at the clear liquid when Lex spoke. 

"Why here?" Lex watched as Clark's eyes locked with his. His voice resonated with an impossible innocent curiosity and his tone contained traces of his yearning to understand, to know things he did not, to have some idea what everything around him was. Lex was so trusting and hopeful. He could not conceive of it being any other way. "Why did he bring me to you?" He was imploring Clark for a response. He felt some connection to this man, and he was convinced by some intangible intuition that it had to mean something. 

Clark was silent a minute, and then he seemed to falter as if he would melt and lose all sense of himself emotionally the way Lex had mentally. "Because I'm your friend, Lex." Something welled up in Clark's eyes that made them glaze over as he emphasized that this was the truth and that it was important, apparently even more so than he could articulate. He rose from his seat, ready to walk away. The question and all the history it encompassed seemed to be beyond Lex's grasp. "Get some sleep." 

* * *

The next morning brought the lazy feel of a Sunday with it. Lex rose from the cot Clark had set up for him and he quickly took up exploration of his surroundings. He perused Clark's small library, his tiny collection of books and his even tinier collection of CDs and DVDs. When Lex turned on the television, he discovered it was in fact Tuesday. He flipped through the channels until a familiar image caught his eye. He turned the volume up as he recognized the man flying through the air clad in blue, red, and yellow. Upon clicking the button to show the program's information, Lex learned it was a special about Superman, the wonder that had taken him away from those docks and helped him because it had been the right thing to do, and this mysterious person did something for him that he would never forget. Lex knew that, and he knew as he watched the rest of the news show with mounting interest that he was enchanted by this person everyone called Superman, captivated by his humanity and everything he stood for and did. 

Near the end of the hour, Clark emerged from his bedroom, dressed and ready for breakfast even as it turned noon. As soon as his eyes caught sight of what was on television, Clark seemed to freeze, and his voice carried a subtle panic to it. "What are you watching?" 

"It's a news special about Superman." Lex was infused with enthusiasm, and Clark gaped at him, seemingly baffled. "This is unbelievable." Lex pointed at the images flashing upon the screen with a naive awe about him. "He saves all these people. He refuses any acknowledgment or reward for these things he does. He's actually an alien, and he's more humane than most of the people on this planet. There was this girl in the hospital that was dying of cancer and her last wish was to see him, so he went to her and took her on a flight around the world." He paused, quietly astounded, and Clark looked just like Lex felt. Suddenly, Lex grew self-conscious under Clark's dumbfounded stare. "But you probably knew all that already." This was starting to feel awkward and he subdued his admiration, becoming embarrassed by it. "You're not suffering from amnesia, so of course you heard about that stuff, because it's probably so common, it's mundane to you, right?" Lex laughed a little in spite of himself. "I didn't mean to bore you. It's stupid, I know." 

"No, it's not stupid," Clark interjected firmly. "You're not boring me." Something in him seemed reserved, restrained, and even slightly embarrassed. "I just think we could find better things on than the news. I have to deal with that stuff every day myself and I'd really rather avoid it when possible." There was clearly something underlying what he was saying, a few things in fact, but they were shrouded enough that this was a significant issue to him. 

Lex nodded in agreement, seeing that Clark obviously had his reasons for feeling so strongly, and he would not push for him to share them if he did not really want to talk about some things. "Okay." He picked up the remote control and promptly switched the channel. 

"Thank you." Clark sounded so relieved, grateful, and it was not long before he sat down on the other end of the couch to join Lex. 

* * *

The afternoon was winding down into a tranquil evening. Thursday was turning out a lot like the day two days before. There was nothing really to do, and they had spent most of the time locked indoors separated or in relative silence. The few times Lex had tried to start conversation, he seemed to hit a roadblock or a dead end. It appeared that Clark simply did not know how to deal with his presence, which just fed Lex's will to establish some kind of communication. He disliked feeling like a burden to the one person who was always around and gave him a sense of belonging when he felt so displaced. 

Lex studied his face in the bathroom mirror. He was a stranger to himself and that was disconcerting. His eyes traveled to the small bandage that masked a recovering bullet wound, and then his gaze roamed over the bald scalp. "What happened to my hair?" 

Suddenly, Lex heard Clark fall silent. Steps came his way and he saw Clark come to the doorway as a silhouetted reflection. 

"I had just assumed I shaved it, and that I'd let it grow now, but it's not coming in." Lex turned to face Clark, a sadness possessing him as he saw the disheartened expression that shaped Clark's proportionate and sharp features, which seemed to pose such a contrast to Lex's soft ones. 

"It won't come in." Clark's voice was so low, so fragile, proceeding with some difficulty. "You were in an accident. And that's the way you've been ever since." He gestured to Lex's head and then his hand fell at his side. 

"It's more than that, isn't it? What they said in the cave? That I should be dead? That it's my physiology?" 

Clark gave a small nod and hung his head, his stare drifting away from Lex as if he were pained by the story. 

A moment ticked by and then another. Lex continued to stare at Clark, noting how tall he was, how his large frame appeared in the shadows, how meek he seemed and how endearing that meekness was. Before Lex could place his finger on what seemed so familiar about his backlit figure as the light from the hall streamed in to make the bathroom light dim by comparison, a rumbling pulled at the pit of Lex's stomach. "I'm hungry." 

Picking his head up and detaching himself from some melancholy state, Clark perked up vaguely. "Do you want to order Thai again tonight?" 

"No, not really. I didn't really like it last night." 

Lex's sour expression seemed to surprise Clark. "But you love Thai food. It's your favorite." He was adamant, as though he really knew what he was talking about, acting like a certifiable expert in all things related to Lex. 

"Well, it's not anymore," Lex asserted with a good-natured snicker. 

"Then... what do you want?" 

Without having to think about it for too long, an answer popped into Lex's head. "How about a pizza?" 

Clark beamed suddenly, a smile that seemed irrepressible and bursting with cheer. "Pizza?" His tone was teasing almost to the point of mockery, but then he grinned widely. "You got it." 

Soon the delivery came and their order sat on the kitchen table, half devoured already. Clark was sitting in a chair and Lex got up out of his seat to retrieve a fresh bottle of Pepsi from the refrigerator. He looked down at himself while he poured, realizing how ridiculously oversized these clothes were for him. He was wearing Clark's jeans, which were baggy with legs so long that he had to cuff them twice just to walk around in bare feet. He had on one of Clark's white t-shirts too, and it hung loosely off his body as he bent over to refill his glass, but Lex wasn't drowning in it as much as he was in the jeans. 

"We'll have to get you some more clothes of your own." Clark took a sip of his soda, looking a little pensive and distant as he drank down the remainder of it. Then, he turned back to Lex, no hint of his temporary detachment there now. "Do you want dressy stuff like you had before?" 

"Actually, I like this. It doesn't fit, but it's comfortable." Lex flashed Clark a satisfied smile. 

He returned the smile, seeming eager to please, perhaps even happy to oblige. "Then I'll have to get you some things like that in your own size." 

"Yeah, from the looks of my previous wardrobe, that would be a refreshing change. You know, I went through everything I was wearing that night and it's all Italian. Am I even Italian?" Lex paused when Clark nearly choked on his mouthful of soda and worked hard to swallow the beverage rather than spit it out or inhale it in the process of bursting out laughing. Lex waited patiently and before Clark could fully down the beverage, Lex was too tempted to keep thinking aloud. "I don't feel Italian." That only made it worse and Clark finally finished the large swig he had taken and erupted into hysterics, an inch away from falling onto the floor. "I'm not Italian, am I?" 

He shook his head in an exaggerated negative and managed to form coherent words. "No, you're not." 

"Then what the hell am I?" Lex demanded light-heartedly, amused by himself but much more so by Clark's infectious reaction. 

Clark calmed himself some, exhausting the laughter riot. "Scottish." 

Lex shook his head, confounded. "And I get the whole Italian thing from that how?" 

"You don't. Frankly, I think you have a mafia fetish." Clark seemed to be playing along with the joke, enjoying this immensely. 

"Pictures of Lucky Luciano and Al Capone all over my bedroom walls?" 

"I can't say I've ever really explored your bedroom, but I'm sure there are all sorts of twisted things in there." 

Lex nodded, a grin on his face and a flush of pink to his complexion. He was having way too much fun. He felt like it was the greatest thing in the world just to be here with Clark, relaxing and so engaged in one another's company. "I have major issues, huh. Inferiority complex?" 

"Definitely." Clark was awfully quick to agree. 

"Sick, perverse mind?" 

"Undeniably!" 

Then, as if by natural conclusion, "I'm some rich asshole, aren't I?" Lex's tone was borderline self-accusatory. "Sticking with the mafia scenario, I didn't find a gun on me anywhere, but I had like a thousand dollars in my wallet!" His voice boomed with self-ridicule. "Am I a total fucking idiot?" Lex was genuinely incredulous, and it only incited more boisterous laughter in Clark. "I was walking around the docks at night with a fortune in my coat pocket?" When Clark started to settle down again, Lex chortled in spite of himself. "No wonder I got shot." 

"Seriously, though, you were extremely lucky to survive." Solemnity seemed to tame them both as Clark stared at Lex in a way that was touching and wrought with palpable sentimentality. "I'm glad you're okay, Lex." 

"I'm just happy I'm here." Lex reciprocated every ounce of sentiment Clark laid bare in his lap. He received it like a gift too great to be held in any package. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you, Clark." 

That earned Lex a smile. Clark lit up like a Christmas tree and Lex was like a kid seeing that for the first time. "You know, this is how it was when I was in high school, back when we first were friends." Dreamy reverie seemed to overtake Clark in a trance of nostalgia. "What's funny is that this is even better than it ever was then." 

Lex placed his hand over Clark's on the table and Clark's eyes met his. The gesture was meant to be in friendship, in gratitude, in cheerfulness, but it was too little for all Lex wanted to say. Their eyes were locked. Lex did not want to move his hand. He tightened it around Clark's a little for lack of words. They were so much closer than he had imagined, and he was only getting that sense now through the course of this evening and in this pivotal, revealing moment. Volumes of silence were exchanged and then finally, Lex simply said, "I'm glad," and let go. 

* * *

Saturday morning Clark left Lex alone in the apartment for the first time since his arrival. During his absence, Lex heard something outside the door and after careful consideration, he opened it. There was an edition of the city paper wrapped in plastic lying in front of the door, and Lex realized it must have been a daily delivery. He was happy to have something different to read, and since Clark was not around, he saw no harm in indulging his curiosity for the news. 

When Clark returned with groceries, he found Lex engrossed by the print of the press page and he lunged for the paper, nearly snatching it from Lex's hand, a mute disturbance about him as he flipped anxiously through it, scanning the articles. He exhausted his frantic search and Lex regarded Clark with worry. "What is it? What were you looking for?" 

Clark appeared on edge, almost shaken, and it took a minute to register that Lex had asked him something. "There's someone I don't care to read about who is always in there, and..." His candor seemed to open as his timbre fell. "I don't want you to read about him or see some news story about him, because it would hurt you." His motive so protective that it sounded painfully noble; Clark trying to shield Lex from something coming back from the vacuum of his memory to haunt him. "Luckily, he's not in the area right now, so the media coverage is at a comfortable low, but I'd still prefer you stay away from it. Okay? Please? For me?" Something in his voice ached, and Lex knew he was wholly serious. 

"Okay. I promise." Lex was taken with remorse and his expression apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't know..." 

"No, don't be sorry. Please. You have nothing to apologize for." Clark's reassurances worked their charm on Lex easily. 

A small smirk dawned on Lex's face as he looked back at Clark with a knowing stare. "I thought maybe you were just trying to hide your claim to fame." His grin grew wider, the spark of happiness lit and burning within him, and it seemed to render Clark speechless as he glanced at him sideways. "You didn't tell me you're a reporter for The Daily Planet, Clark." He smiled brightly and warmly at Clark who in turn sighed and blushed. "You write for a newspaper? That's fantastic." His excitement carried the distinct mark of pride with it. "Why have you been home this whole week? I mean, don't you have an office and assignments to do?" Not that Lex was complaining about having someone to talk to and just be around when he most needed to feel safe and sound, but he did not want Clark to give up being who he was to tend to him and his insecurities. 

Clark's voice emanated disembodied from the kitchen as the rustling of bags mixed with his words. "I can work from home." 

"You don't have to stay here on my account. I'm okay." 

As he put away the last of the items he brought back from the store, he called out, "Well, I'm enjoying the company." Clark peeked out from the kitchen to see Lex staring at him as he came to stand in full view framed by the doorway. "I really like having you here." Clark's words were as soft as his steps as he began walking towards the couch, and then sat beside Lex. 

Lex looked at Clark as Clark looked back at him with a shyness written all over his face. When Clark smiled and broke eye contact, Lex felt something stir in his groin, and suddenly he was confronted with the notion that Clark was indescribably attractive. His hair was always a mess of brunette locks and his glasses spoke more of his hidden beauty than of his introverted and awkward self. Lex felt it like it was the most natural thing in the world, desire and tenderness pooling in the center of himself, a chemistry brewing in his heart that had been mixing these last five days. Something was there, and he felt it flow like it was mutual. 

"Are... Are we lovers?" Lex was trying to understand both the tension between them and the feelings that were stirring in him. "Or were we?" 

Clark's eyes, wide and stunned, shot to Lex instantly. He seemed bewildered by that question, but Lex was still just as casual as he had been a moment ago, as if the question had no bizarre implications or origins. Lex was the picture of genuine composure and it was not an act. He was delicately posing a simple question and looking to Clark for an answer that he deemed just as simple. Clark was clearly floored. "What made you ask that?" 

"Nothing. Forget it. It's alright." Lex was dismissive, like it did not matter, but he did not disguise the small bit of rejection and disappointment that jolted through him and marred his content expression. "I just wanted to ask, because I thought maybe..." He trailed off, and abandoned that notion in favor of something more candid, an honest, albeit forward, sentiment. "I feel something for you. It's very strong. I'm drawn to you in a way that I feel like I know you and care about you... I'm attracted to you... and I had to know if there had been something between us or if this is just some crazy notion I got somehow." 

Clark's features were ripe with astonishment, as if that were the last thing he had ever expected to come from Lex. He did not speak, and the silence dragged for several minutes. He took a deep breath finally and all he could manage after that breath was, "Wow." He shook his head in disbelief and in amazement, like he had just made the discovery of his lifetime. "No, it's never been that way between us. I've never even thought of you like that. I don't know what to say." By the stained cheeks and the beginnings of a smile upon Clark's face, it became apparent that he was flattered, but he seemed completely thrown by Lex's confession. 

"You don't have to say anything. If you don't feel the same way, then that's fine. I can deal with it." 

Chiming in quickly, Clark responded with an assertive tone. "No, I didn't say I wasn't feeling anything..." Clark paused and blinked, as if he could not believe he was admitting this or even experiencing it. "I'm just at a loss here, because I'm not used to feeling so close to you, and I don't know what it is, but you're right." His mind and his pulse raced, and he was overwhelmed by an ocean of thoughts and emotions. "There's something I can't put my finger on it... I don't know if it's that I feel close to you, that I'm comfortable with you..." His words abruptly escaped him as he saw Lex inch over to close the gap between them. 

Leaning in gradually, bit by bit, gauging Clark's reaction or lack thereof until his lips were within grazing distance. His eyes searched Clark's for permission and when he saw Clark's lids shut slowly, he took that as consent. His mouth closed over Clark's softly, pressing into Clark's lips with a sensuality that was deliberately tentative and enticing. As he broke the kiss, he lingered, opening his eyes to drink in the sight of Clark's face. Clark seemed positively spellbound, and Lex wrenched him from his daze when he asked almost playfully, "Was that it?" 

Clark cracked a delirious smile and answered in a sort of reverie. "Yeah, that's definitely the feeling." 

Lex was still so close to him and he was seeing his milky jade green eyes through the thin plastic lenses. He was gazing deep into them, like he was peering into Clark's soul and letting himself be consumed by the beauty and purity he saw there. He was captivated, like he had found himself there, like this was home for him. "You have the most amazing eyes." 

He deflected Lex's compliment with a bit of humor that lacked confidence. "It's the glasses. They make them look bigger than they really are." 

Staring directly into Clark's eyes with his affection plainly showing. "No, that's not it." 

Lex reached up and grasped the edges of Clark's glasses with his fingertips. He glimpsed the fear that entered Clark's eyes and he waited for Clark to voice an objection, but none came. As Lex tugged on the frames, they rose off Clark's face and he noticed Clark gulping a little fretfully. When they slipped away from Clark completely and his bare features were revealed, Lex's eyes widened and glanced up and down the familiar face before him. The face of Superman and the face of Clark were actually one in the same. Mutual understanding passed between them. 

Lex smiled, enlightened, delighted. "I'm falling for you." 

Without a second's hesitation, Clark pressed his lips to Lex's. He kissed him with a deep passion that stemmed from the heart. Lex's acceptance meant so much to him and all of that unleashed a deluge that had sprung from a well long dry. The moment swept them away in a romantic current to which they just surrendered, and after a short while of indulging in the impulse, Clark drew back with worry and tears. 

His watery eyes fixed intensely on Lex. "How can you be sure you want to do this? You don't even remember me." 

"I don't have to. I just know. I know you. I know this is right. I feel it." Lex looked at him with certainty, not a trace of doubt present. "Like destiny." 

Clark suppressed a laugh, seeming to gather something Lex did not realize about his own words. He grinned as Lex stroked his cheek and a teardrop spilled down Clark's face. Clark surrendered to the urge to wrap his arms around Lex, and he planted a light kiss on Lex's neck when he gave himself completely to the embrace. "I just... I never knew it could be like this with you." 

"We both know now." Lex squeezed Clark tighter with his arms. "It's the one thing I do know." 

* * *

A ruckus from the living room brought Lex out of the kitchen to investigate. When he came upon Clark, he had the air conditioner set on the floor, having taken it out of the window. Lex stood idly by as Clark fidgeted with it. Clark had complained that it was not working as well as it should have been, and instead of keeping this half of the apartment cool, the old thing barely kept it temperate enough to be comfortable. Now though, with it decommissioned, the heat was pouring in the open window and Lex was starting to feel it. 

He saw it glistening on Clark's skin too, like liquid sex, shiny and slick. His eyes fixed on the part of Clark's tank top that was just beneath his open white shirt. The view revealed the sinews of Clark's upper body. The muscle there and the luscious tan to the bare flesh made Lex keenly aware of his libido and he did his best to keep it in check. There had been so many moments since Saturday that Lex just wanted to kiss Clark and there had been a couple times when he had done it. He had only been here a week, but he felt like he had already spent a lifetime. 

Clark seemed blissfully ignorant of the effect he was having upon Lex. He was too busy prying his way around the internal mechanics of the behemoth device. The girth of it alone required a tremendous amount of might and control to lift, much less make it move around on the floor the way Clark did as he poked and prodded his way through its gut. He appeared to be trying to get at something that he could not quite reach because other parts were in his way. 

Lex looked on cautiously, unsure whether or not Clark realized he was causing minor damage as he struggled. "How strong are you?" 

"Why?" Clark asked through gritted teeth as he continued to pry his way inside. 

"Because the way you're working that thing, you're gonna break it." 

Clark stopped to shoot a frustrated glare at Lex. "I know what I'm doing." 

"No, you don't." Lex had tried to bite his tongue, but he knew he was right. 

"I think I know my own strength, thank you," Clark snarled back. Then, as he made one final attempt at it, the metal creaked and suddenly, the entire shell cracked in half and the appliance split in half at the pressure. Clark's eyes were full of shock, and then he glanced over at Lex to see him suppressing a gigantic smile. "Not one word!" 

"I didn't say anything!" Even as he defended himself, Lex was almost blind from containing the raging laughter inside him. 

"You were going to." 

"I already said all I had to say." Lex's face was proud with jovial complacency. He stepped up to Clark as Clark's frown curled into an embarrassed smile that Lex could not resist. He leaned in and kissed Clark sweetly on the cheek, then looked into his eyes and brushed a tousled curl back into his wavy mane. "Don't worry about it. We'll just get a new one. That's all." 

When Lex took Clark's hand and guided him over to the couch, Clark sat down with him as Lex turned on the television and flipped directly to one of the premium movie channels as though he knew something were coming on. Clark sat patiently waiting during the gap between the next thing scheduled and the last. When Serendipity came on, Clark's eyes slammed shut and he fought the urge his synapses had to rapidly misfire. "Why are we watching this?" 

"Why not? It's got love and Christmas and overtones of fate. It's about these two people drawn together by destiny and odd circumstances. It's practically our story!" Lex felt his cheeks redden as Clark looked at him cock-eyed with skepticism and disinterest. 

"Is this what you've been doing out here when I go to bed?" 

"Oh, come on! It takes place in the wintertime and on the preview I saw for it there was snow and an ice rink. We can cool down vicariously." Lex grinned at him, feeling more than just a tad silly. "Hey, sue me. I'm a romantic, okay." 

"Since when?" Clark asked cynically. 

Lex just took Clark's hand in his and entwined his fingers with Clark's, and then smiled at the beautiful face staring back at him. "Since you." 

* * *

The phone was ringing and ringing. The noise was incessant, and finally Lex heard the water running and realized Clark must have just gone into the shower, so he probably had not heard it. Lex still did not know what to do. He was just as conscious of the need for caution as Clark seemed to be. After all, Lex had been shot and he had not been told anything about the circumstances of the shooting, the shooter himself, or his motivation. He had even taken Clark's mafia analogy a little seriously, gleaning that there must have been some substance to that observation, even if it was made in jest. The idea was a bit jarring, but Lex did his best not to let it rattle him. He hoped it was just a funny notion and nothing more. That did not deter his reservations about leaving the apartment though. He believed it was smart to limit contact with the world outside this place as much as possible until he knew more about himself. 

Honestly, he was not sure he wanted to know. Life was so good here, almost heavenly with Clark, and he feared that the truth would ruin that. At his core, he wanted to seek out his true identity, but he was perfectly willing to let it come to him. The details of the situation that had taken his identity from him in the first place plagued his mind. He had been alone at the docks in a suit with lots of cash and someone had fired a bullet into his skull. Now he was here with someone he cared about who cared about him, and they were so happy just enjoying being together, reaping the simple pleasures in life, making new memories for him that were all full of sunshine and perfection. Given those two options, he was clinging to the latter without looking back. He was not ready to venture into his past yet, and he even found himself wondering if he ever would be. 

The phone was still ringing. In fact, it had stopped for half a minute and then started again. Clark still had not picked up, and Lex did not notice any answering machine. He surrendered against his better judgment, because this had to be someone who knew Clark and was perhaps even worried about him. Knowing Clark had barely left the house in a week and a half now lent credence to that theory. He reached for the receiver, hesitated a second, and then picked it up off its cradle. "Hello?" 

"It's about time! Where the hell have you been? Why haven't you been in? I get back from an assignment in the Caribbean and out of nowhere Perry tells me you called the office to say you were going to be homebound indefinitely! What the hell is going on, Clark?" 

Lex was very sorry he had answered the phone. He had no idea how to respond, so he hazarded a befuddled question. "Who is this?" 

"Who am I?" the obnoxious caller retorted. "Who the fuck are you? Where's Clark?" 

"This is Lex." 

Eerie silence on the other end of the line, then the voice seemed overcome with wrath and panic. "Lex? Tell me where Clark is! What have you done with him? If you harm him in any way, I swear I'll..." 

"I didn't do anything to him!" Lex interrupted. He was not sure where that implication came from or where it led, but it certainly threw him for a major loop. He wanted to be as accommodating as possible, because he was not the bad guy here. "Clark's in the shower. Do you want me to get him for you?" Something patronizing could not help but seep into his leisurely tone. When no answer came and he heard the shrill female voice start to stumble for words, he made the decision for her. "Hold on." 

He laid the phone down on the table in the hallway and knocked on the closed bathroom door. "Clark?" He turned the knob and realized that the door was unlocked. He crept in, and as he approached the shower, he saw Clark's form distorted by the textured shower curtain. "Clark." 

Clark peeled back the top part of the curtain, and stared at Lex with wide eyes and rosy cheeks. "Lex? What is it?" Shyness and surprise infused his tone. 

The curtain was parted a little more than Clark had meant it to be, and it opened even further until Clark was not so fully obscured. The image made Lex's eyes wander the visible terrain. A mischievous smirk spread across his face. He raised his eyebrows as he tried to peer a little more behind the veil and caught a glimpse of the darkened sex hanging between Clark's legs that was quickly becoming engorged. Clark looked down, blushing fiercely, and swung his hips to the side, ducking his lower body more behind the barrier between them. 

Lex took an extra moment to collect himself and brand his mind with the image of Clark naked. He drank in the fierce blush that swept through Clark's wet face as water streamed down from his hair, over his neck, his shoulders, his biceps and pectorals, going to hidden places. Finally gathering the will to speak, Lex cleared his throat and addressed Clark with a tremendous grin on his face and an erection in his pants. "I think you're going to have to come out of there. Preferably without a towel." 

Clark pursed his pink lips for a moment and grinned right back at Lex, reluctant and quite suspicious as to his intentions. "Why?" 

The coyness faded, and the smile too, but the hard-on was very stubborn. "There's some woman on the phone demanding to talk to you." 

"Woman?" Clark said the word like he had forgotten what that was. Suddenly, understanding grabbed him and the spell of this tease shattered. "Shit! Lois!" 

As Clark grabbed a robe and rushed out of the shower, Lex felt forgotten in Clark's frantic wake. Lex retired to the cot in the living room. It was late anyway. He listened to the echoes of what he guessed was an argument. The hostility seemed to resonate at times, but even as it reverberated in the thin walls to carry throughout the rooms of the apartment, Lex could not make any sense of the ranting. All the words were muffled and he could only assume this was about him being there. He lay quietly, feeling anxious over what this meant. A million things ran through his mind, but he only knew one thing for certain. For the first time since coming here, he was lonely. 

After a while, the shouting subsided, and later, the talking stopped. It was only a few minutes before the door to Clark's bedroom opened and he came down the hall. Lex propped himself up on his elbows as he watched Clark approach. 

Clark kneeled before him and cupped his face in one hand. "Listen to me. No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what happens, know this. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. This means a lot to me. I care about you and I know you care about me." His eyes peered deep into Lex's as Lex stared back with all his soul. "You have such a good heart in you, and some people are going to tell you that's not the way you were before, but I've always seen it. So, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Okay?" Lex just nodded, Clark's words wrenching his heart in a way that made it cry with joy and sorrow all at once. "I'm sorry about that. She won't be calling anymore, I promise." 

"She doesn't like me being here, does she?" Lex was merely stating the obvious. 

"She doesn't like anything right now, but she's just going to have to deal with it. All of it." When Clark cracked a smile, Lex's eyes welled up and his throat became tight fighting the urge to cry. And when Clark kissed him, Lex knew that Clark had not abandoned him, but quite to the contrary. Clark had chosen to be with him and stand by him, like Clark had said in his own words, no matter what. 

* * *

Night was the only time he was alone, and it was becoming more than he could bear. He could not stand lying there on a twin-sized cot by himself. The dark room seemed desolate, and that made him feel deserted, even though he knew that could not be farther from the truth. He wondered if Clark was lying in bed awake, if Clark was having trouble sleeping by himself knowing that Lex was just down the hall all by his lonesome too. Lex could not shake that idea from his restless brain. Did Clark feel the same distance that he did? Absent-mindedly, his hand drifted to the fresh bandage on the wound and he winced at the soreness of it, which was only made worse by the harsh stabbing sting that followed. He felt the same pain in his heart, and it was like a sword that ran his patience through with its sharp end. 

That was what had brought him wandering out of bed to bravely venture into Clark's bedroom. He gradually crossed the distance from the door to the bedside and stood frozen, hovering like a specter, unsettled inside like a child woken by a nightmare. He was about to say something to call attention to his presence, but then Clark rolled over to look up at him, and Lex realized he had barely been sleeping himself. 

Clark's tone was wrought with concern. "Lex? Is everything alright?" 

His tenderness laced with a timid voice, Lex put the query forth so softly that it was scarcely above a whisper. "Can I sleep in here? I don't want to stay out there anymore. I'd much rather be in bed with you." 

Wordlessly, Clark peeled back the covers for Lex to climb in and his mouth formed a small smile. 

Lex slipped underneath the covers, wearing Clark's own pajamas still, because that set was the one thing Lex refused to have replaced. He liked sleeping in them and he kept them even though Clark had just gone shopping for some brand new clothes for him that were more tailored to his altered taste. Lex had claimed the white cotton nightwear for himself and Clark got to keep his light blue ones. 

With Lex curling up against him, Clark lay on his side and mirrored his guest. They were lying face to face, and while Lex had his eyes closed with an expression of pure contentment upon his face, as if he were in the ultimate dream, he felt Clark's stare caressing his skin and soon there was a hand there to touch him. Barely opening his eyes, Lex sought Clark's mouth and landed a short kiss on his full bottom lip. Then Lex simply relaxed into the cozy mattress. 

Their slumber was deep and peaceful, enduring even as the sun heralded the arrival of daylight. It was well into the morning before either of them stirred. As soon as Lex opened his eyes, Clark opened his to gaze adoringly at Lex. Noticing that the space between them had grown, Lex inched over to rectify that problem. Clark was spread out on his back, and Lex nuzzled in closely. His leg came to rest over Clark's and as Lex got comfortable, he felt a stiffness against the top of his thigh. Lex's eyes locked with Clark's, intrigue dancing in them, desire dancing with it. 

His hand slipped down over the soft fabric and settled above the rigid protrusion. Lex heard the hitch of breath from Clark, and that only encouraged him. He started to slide his hand under the waistband of the pajama bottoms, but Clark caught his hand and gripped it, seeming unsure. "You don't have to." 

Clark did not seem to understand, so Lex spelled it out for him. "But I want to." His gaze was still fixed firmly on Clark's face, his expression alive with yearning. "Please. Let me do this for you." Lex received nothing but silence and reluctance in response to his offer and plea. Clark's ambivalence was beginning to give Lex mixed signals. "If you don't want me to, that's different..." 

Before Lex could finish that sentence, Clark placed Lex's hand back on top of the material, holding it there for a moment. "I do want you to, but I don't want you to regret it." 

"I won't." Lex beamed with confidence, reassuring Clark of how he felt, how he knew deep in his heart he would always feel. 

He let his fingers seek out the waistband again, and they slid beneath it to close around his length and slowly start moving. Lex used the same motions he had the nights he had laid out on that cot thinking about Clark and touched himself with the thought of it being Clark who was seducing him rather than his imagination. Clark's face contorted with the grip of ecstasy with every beat of that rhythm. His lids half concealing his eyes, Clark lost himself in Lex's eyes as Lex watched Clark let go of his restraint. Lex never glanced away, not even for a second. He nipped occasionally at the sumptuous lips that were close enough to brush against his face on every heavy exhale from Clark's mouth. Then, Clark started to moan and his breathing became frantic, desperate, on the cusp of climax. Finally, the fluid gushed out onto Lex's hand and Clark's stomach, and Clark came down from his peak. Lex released Clark when he was limp and rubbed the come between his fingertips and palm, letting Clark's seed soak into his skin. 

As Clark nipped at Lex's lips, spent and appreciative, Lex propped himself up on his elbow and observed the sated air about him. Lex's own arousal must have been sticking in Clark's hip, because Clark opened his eyes and asked, "Do you want me to...?" 

Smiling kindly, Lex was moved by Clark's proposal, that he was willing to reciprocate, but Lex was too busy enjoying the sight of Clark like this. "No. I just want to look at you." Clark smiled back at him softly in acknowledgment, and seeing the gorgeous man at his side, Lex could only think of all he had already done for him. Clark had given him a place he was happy to call home and a warm bed with him in it, and a sense of security that had been there since the night Clark had helped him in the guise of Superman. 

Suddenly, Lex was having a moment of clarity in the nectarine afterglow and he had to be openly sincere, because this was a subject that needed to be broached. "I hate to bring this up, but it's been two weeks. You should really get back to some semblance of your usual routine. You have things you have to do and work that needs to be done, and I think you should go out and do it." 

"I'm fine right here with you, Lex." His devotion showed in his eyes but it resonated with an omission. 

"You don't have to go back to the pressroom if you don't want to, but maybe you should get back out there and pick up your patrols again. I'm sure there are people out there who need you, and you can't ignore that. I wouldn't want you to." 

Clark seemed to fall pensive, mulling it over. "Are you sure you'd be okay here without me for a little while everyday?" 

"Positive." Lex asserted. "What you do is so important, and I don't want you to neglect that. Go out and do what you have to do. I'll still be here waiting for you when you come home." 

"I'll think about it." Clark punctuated that promise with a sigh, and then took Lex's hand in his own and kissed it. 

* * *

They had retired to the bedroom. Clark had been sitting up against the headboard of the bed when he had inspired Lex to be bold with a single raunchy quip. "If I go back to working the streets, as you so comically put it, does that mean I have to pimp myself out just so we can get satellite?" And that was Lex's inspiration for straddling Clark as he undid the buttons of his white shirt. "For satellite? Hell yeah! I can be your first customer too! I still have that wad of money I found in my pocket. If you go the extra mile, we might even be able to get Tivo!" Just like that, they were mired in a moment that was as sexual as it was playful. They were becoming more at ease with every passing day. Moments like this were getting common, natural, sublime. 

Lex moved around the bare torso, his hands flattened against the soft flesh that was all hard muscle underneath. He kissed trails over Clark's chest and abdomen, intoxicated by the warmth and glow of the skin at his lips. Clark's laughter made his body vibrate and that made Lex smile into his kisses. Their fun was taking a turn for the more serious and intense when a strange sound, like a buzzer, distracted them. Their concentration shifted to the noise when Lex realized it was the bell. Before they could react, Clark heard a thunderous knock echo down the hall, and someone was obviously at the door. 

Lex's brow knitted as he glanced over at the clock, which told of a rather late hour. "Who could that be?" 

"I don't know." Clark urged Lex to let him up, and he pushed off the bed. "Stay here." 

Clark disappeared down the hall and Lex could do nothing but sit patiently. He could hear Clark greet someone, and then Clark called to him. Lex went to join Clark and his visitor in the living room. The man was tall with short dark hair and eyes as blue as sapphire. "Hello, Lex." 

Since the man with the deep, rumbling voice had not introduced himself, Clark took the liberty. "Lex, this is Bruce Wayne." 

"Hi." Lex's awkwardness gave him away, and Clark was quick to soothe him. 

Reaching out for Lex, Clark beckoned him to the couch and placed a hand on his shoulder to console his worry. "It's alright. He's just here to check up on you. That's all. He's your friend." Clark nodded in affirmation of his own statement. 

Bruce had glanced up at that last remark, something dark stirring in him, something sad. Without saying anything, Bruce proceeded with a few quick tests and questions about Lex's headaches. He seemed pacified by Lex's answer that they were getting smaller and bothering him less frequently. His face was unreadable, his features carved out like stone. It made Lex uncomfortable even though he understood that this was necessary. Something about this still struck him as odd, though. There was something familiar about this man too. It was most true of his voice, but the timbre seemed off somehow, and Lex had trouble placing it. The rudimentary examination would have been tough if Clark had not been right by him, his hand remaining constantly on his shoulder or his back. 

"You seem to be doing well, Lex." That was the most congenial BBruce had been in the hour of his stay. "Clark, can I have a word with you before I go?" 

"Of course." Clark sighed a bit annoyed, because he seemed to have sensed that request coming and something else secret behind it. 

However, the conversation did not stay secret as they most likely intended it to be. The dead calm that swelled in the apartment, Clark's proximity to the door, and Bruce's thick voice made it much easier to follow their dialogue than the night Lex had been trying to avoid overhearing Clark on the phone with Lois. Deep down, he really had not wanted to know, but now he got up from the couch and stepped quietly towards the hallway without setting foot in it, keeping a fair distance. Whatever the specific topic, it was quite plainly about him, and some morbid curiosity in him wanted to be privy to this chat. 

As their words came, the exchange reminded Lex of the one Superman and Batman had engaged in the night he lost his memory to that assassin's bullet, and suddenly he was overtly aware of the relevance that Bruce's presence had here. 

"What are you doing?" 

"What do you mean what am I doing? I'm trying to help him." 

"This is not going to help him. It's just going to confuse him!" 

"I've never seen him this happy in his entire life, Bruce! Have you? How can that be bad?" 

"It can be very bad! Especially for you! When and if he gets his memory back, there will be consequences and repercussions, Clark! I agree with Lois on that much." 

"Oh, so, you've talked to Lois." 

"Yes, I talked to Lois. She called me up begging me to intervene." 

"She's taking it that well, huh?" 

"She'll get over it. I told her to relax, and that I had been planning to come see how he was doing anyway." 

Silence, and then, "I don't want to give him up, Bruce." 

"You may not have a choice." The doorknob started to turn, alerting Lex that they were a breath away from coming out of their private little conference. He already felt guilty for eavesdropping, but he was not going to move and hide the fact that he had been doing just that, so he stayed where he was as Bruce said his last piece. "Not if he starts to remember." 

As Bruce exited the bedroom, he saw Lex standing not too far down the hallway, and Lex looked to him with despair. "Was I really that bad?" 

Bruce paused, perhaps startled by the question and Lex having evidently heard everything. He met Lex's eyes with a kind of pity, but that transformed into something solid, something powerful, something as optimistic as hope but as ambiguous as chance. "It doesn't matter who you were, Lex. It matters who you are. You want to remember something? Remember that." On that note, Bruce showed himself out. 

* * *

It was finally happening. He conceded that Lex was right, and he needed to go back to work. He had a job to do, and he could not overlook it any longer. The responsibility was his and it had been cast aside, taking a backseat to Lex this whole time, and it was selfish of him to delay going back out there to resume his duties. Lex had assured him and reassured him that he would be fine in the house on his own for the time he would be gone. Lex would abide by the rules they had lived by thus far, avoiding the outside world in every form in order to keep himself safe so Clark did not have to worry about him. Clark did not have any excuses left now. It was time to return to his role as protector of this city and the world. 

Lex was lying on his stomach on the bed, mutely marveling at the sight before him as Clark pulled on the red boots. Lex had watched him as he had gradually made the transition from Clark to Superman, and now the transformation was complete. Clark's hair was so neat and combed back, and it made him look like a classic leading man forged in the golden age of the last century. Lex found the contrast remarkable, even though Clark had absconded with donning his glasses around the house a little over three weeks ago. Either way, Clark was indescribably beautiful, but it amazed Lex how different that beauty became when he changed into his alter ego and vice versa. Whenever Lex looked at him, he saw aesthetic perfection, regardless of the form it took. 

Clark stood in front of him in full superhero attire, and when Lex beheld that spectacular vision, he felt his body react. He shifted to readjust because he was suddenly lying on top of an inconvenient erection. His subtle movement had not gone unnoticed, however, and Clark was staring at him with an intensity that seemed to be processing the implications. Lex gulped slightly, knowing that his desire was written all over his face. Even though he hid his arousal, Lex saw Clark's eyes flash to his hips, like he could see right through him. 

Kneeling down on the bed, Clark gently urged Lex onto his side and then rolled him over onto his back. Lex was possessed by a mix of embarrassment and want. He needed Clark, and the pain of missing him, of feeling his absence was already eating at him, and he ached for consolation, for consummation, some promise that Clark was his and always would be, but he did not feel he had the right to ask such a thing. His eyes were declining the offer he felt coming even though Clark's tentative countenance told that he was still deliberating. Lex would not ask, and he would not have Clark feel obligated. Before Lex could remind him that he should really be on his way, Clark made up his mind of his own free will. 

He smiled and pressed his lips to Lex's. Then, he bent down, his hands tugging the white cotton pajama pants down past Lex's slender hips. His mouth closed over Lex's cock and sucked on the velvety flesh of it, licking the underside from base to head, slicking it with his tongue. Lex lifted his head so he could see Clark as his length sunk deeper and deeper into Clark's mouth and Clark sunk his every effort into tantalizing him, schooling himself as he went in order to do this as well as he could. The rising moans and quickness of breath gave Clark cues to read as Lex reeled with the sensations rippling throughout his body like the tremors that precede an earthquake. The red cape covered Clark like a sheet, fanning out over his back to conceal his entire body beneath it, and it rose and fell every time Clark drew up and then dipped to take the exposed shaft back inside. The tip hit the back of his throat and the muscle tissue there closed tightly around it as Clark swallowed around its width. That brought Lex's orgasm on rapidly, wrenching it from him as he cried out with the excessive shock of pleasure. His come emptied into Clark's mouth, and Lex arched up into the constricting walls of his throat, which finished him completely. 

After Lex was done, Clark crawled up to kiss him desperately, possessed by the intimacy to an extent that truly owned him in that moment. He collapsed beside Lex, freefalling from this high and waiting to feel like he was on solid ground again. They both lay there panting and clutching at each other, until they cooled. When Lex was on the brink of drifting to sleep, Clark kissed him, making the promise that he would be home again before sunset, and he parted from his lover to leave from the balcony and start his day. 

* * *

The television screen went blank with the push of a button, and Lex hung over the arm of the couch, his attention transferring to Clark, who was seated in front of the computer. He was waiting for Clark to finish his work for the paper, and watched quietly as Clark reviewed his latest article for the Planet. Clark was editing and reviewing, which was frustrating to wait out, because that took precision, or in other words, it took time. Racing through that step of the process was not option. This was the first time in a short while that Clark had been home for more than just the nights, so Lex was eager to spend time with him awake. He wanted to do something, anything. He did not care what, as long as they were doing it together. Lex was hoping for a nice peaceful evening with the man he cared about with all his heart. 

Staring at Clark as he chipped away at the piece, Lex was entranced. He could not conceive of how lucky he was, and he could hardly believe that this whole relationship was real. It was divine. The romance between them felt like it gave him purpose, reason for breathing. He could not imagine existence without Clark, and he did not want to, since the very idea terrified him beyond anything he could articulate. But he realized as the thoughts and emotions tumbled in his head that this was not true. He knew what it was with his very soul, and that was what defined it for him. There was one impossibly simple way to say it. 

"I love you." His voice broke up the monotony of keys clacking, and destroyed Clark's concentration. 

His focus landed squarely on Lex as his eyes held Lex with stirring astonishment that melted into a liquid gaze. "I love you too." 

* * *

The man in the mirror stared back at him. He slowly removed the bandage, preparing to change it again. He turned his head so he could see the cut, but he was struck by the revelation that it was gone. The remnants of the wound had been getting smaller and smaller for several days now, and finally, it seemed to have fully healed. In fact, there was no trace it was ever there. Lex could not even locate a scar or any indication that he had ever been shot. It was only just occurring to him that he had not even had the tiniest headache in a week. He smiled at himself, a sigh of relief escaping. 

He was thrilled to be free of that burden. The physical discomfort had been the worst part of this ordeal. And to his surprise, there was not even any sign remaining that it had happened. Some fleeting thought passed through his brain that he was glad it would not leave an ugly scar like the one that marred his upper lip. That damned thing would always remind him of that asshole who had tried to beat the shit out of him in his junior year of boarding school. 

Lex's eyes went wide, and comprehension loomed. Something in his subconscious blossomed and he suddenly realized what had just happened. He remembered something. That memory cemented so solidly in his mind's eye, and he remembered that the night he was marked with that scar was the same one he had met Bruce. Yes, he knew Bruce. He knew exactly who he was, and he recalled that Bruce was the one who saved him from the bastard that attacked him. A deluge of memories inundated Lex's consciousness, and the threshold that had been dark lit up like the dawn. 

He knew everything. He remembered everything. He understood everything. 

The tide swept Lex out with it as he felt like he was being buried under a mountain of ash. His recollections swamped him, and something that was supposed to have been like being born again became like dying. 

Shock rampaged through his happiness. He knew now why Bruce had said those things to Clark because the meaning of Bruce's words coursed through Lex's veins like toxic mercury and his blood felt like ice. Clark. Smallville. And then, Metropolis. 

Lex felt like he had been poisoned, and when he looked in the mirror again, he recognized the man staring back at him. He was afraid of that man in the reflection, because even though he had his memory back, suddenly, he did not know who he was again. 

The bathroom door creaked open wider as Clark stepped inside. Lex's whole body went cold as he froze where he stood, appearing rather composed on the exterior. Clark reached in front of him to the sink, grabbed his comb, and leaned in to kiss Lex's cheek. Lex sighed heavily, suppressing a moan of agony as Clark pulled away and turned to leave. His breath became unsteady, but he immediately sought to control it, and he choked back a whimper as his throat seemed to close up in his overwhelm. 

Clark paused in the doorframe, regarding Lex with care. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?" 

His mind hurt at that question and his heart contracted extra tight on that beat. "No. I'm alright. Everything's good." 

* * *

That night, they had a late dinner. Lex had insisted on pizza again, and conversation had been light. Clark exhibited concern that Lex was not as talkative or as jovial as he usual was, but Lex blamed exhaustion. Shortly thereafter, they went to bed. Lex settled in easily, because he was actually very tired, but not for any of the reasons he had given. Clark lay right at Lex's side, turned inward towards Lex, facing him. As Clark closed his eyes, Lex observed the lovely expression of pure happiness that spread a smile wide across his face as he cuddled in closer to Lex. Clark was right up against Lex now, and Lex was just admiring his peaceful contentment, in awe of how comfortable Clark seemed with him. 

Without opening his eyes, Clark raised a hand to unfasten two of the buttons on Lex's pajama top. Once he had it open, he sneaked his hand inside and placed it flat over Lex's heart, keeping it there. "I love you." 

The wonder of those words swept through Lex like magic, warming any part of him that was cold. Lex realized they had first exchanged professions of that profound emotion only a few days ago, and it tremendously satisfied him to hear it again. Listening to Clark speak that sentiment aloud put so much in perspective for him suddenly where all day he had been in a foggy haze. The air cleared and the atmosphere became one of tenderness. The same simultaneous weakness and strength engulfed him, and Lex knew his feelings were as true now as they were then. "I love you too." 

* * *

The following day, Clark had received a phone call from work. They were getting very irritated with his extended absence and insisted that he start coming back into the office promptly. It had been a month since he had requested time off, and they were demanding that he at least make an appearance or two during the course of the week, so he told them he would come in immediately and spend the rest of the day there. He dressed, kissed Lex good-bye, and walked out the door. 

When he returned, it was ten o'clock, and the entire apartment was dark. Lex knew the yellow glow that lit the hallway would lure him to the bedroom. Clark stepped into the threshold of the gaping doorway and his jaw dropped. There were a bunch of candles lighting the room, their tiny flames the only illumination and their number made them shine brightly as one. Lex had used every single one that he had found in the storage closet along with the water bottles and matches that he assumed were there for outages or emergencies. 

Clark ogled Lex, his body sprawled out on the bed naked. "Lex, what is all this?" 

Looking like he meant to exploit every second of the mood, milking the seductive qualities of the ambiance he had created, Lex smirked. "Do you like it?" 

"Yeah. It's..." He sounded breathless, at a bit of a loss. 

Rising to his knees, Lex made his way down to the foot of the mattress and beckoned Clark to him. When Clark came close, Lex stared into his eyes that were radiant with the romantic light of the room. "I want to be with you, Clark." He started to undo the knot in Clark's tie, and he took it off him when he was done, moving on to unbuttoning his dress shirt. "Forever." His voice was raw with his infinite affection, touched by all the potent affection he felt streaming to him from Clark in return. He pressed his head against Clark's and closed his eyes, the need ripe within him to be with the man he cherished so. 

"And I want to be with you forever." His tone trembled with bittersweetness. 

Opening his eyes, Lex gazed deep into Clark's again, searching for the absolute truth that would make that vow binding. "Promise?" 

Clark's stare fixed on Lex even through the salt that stung them. "I promise." 

That was all Lex wanted to hear. He pulled Clark down on top of him and the tumbled into the white cotton sheets. Lex pushed Clark's jacket off his shoulders and Clark worked it the rest of the way off. They made the same harried business of the shirt, and the tank top underneath it that came over Clark's head at Lex's hands and was tossed onto the floor with the other discarded garments. Clark's pants and boxer shorts and the rest of his accouterments were then added to the pile in a frenzied race to strip him nude. 

Clark seemed rather self-conscious as Lex's eyes roamed the vast territory along with his hands. Lex became increasingly aware that Clark was unsteady as he came to rest between Lex's thighs. "Have you ever done this before?" Clark shook his head. "At all?" Clark shook his head and glanced away, almost like he was made bashful by the admission. When his eyes came back to Lex, he nipped at his lips sweetly, still seeming awfully shy about it. Lex reached his hand out to the nightstand by the bedside, and produced a pack of condoms and a small tube of lubricant. He grinned wickedly as Clark's eyes grew impossible large. "You were awfully prepared for it though, weren't you?" 

He blushed furiously. "I just bought those last week, I swear. I wanted to be prepared just in case..." 

Lex shook the little box of condoms suggestively, and a glint of mischief sparkled in his eye. "You were planning on fucking me." 

His mortified smile vanished to be replaced with a very solemn softness. "I was planning on making love to you." 

Lex's eyes closed like that confession struck the most delightful chord in him. His plea was barely a whisper. "Then, make love to me." 

While Clark kissed him, Lex unscrewed the cap for the lubricant. He broke from the kiss for a moment. "Give me your hand." Clark instantly obliged, and Lex spread the slick substance over two of Clark's fingers, coating them generously. He looked at Clark, as he guided Clark's hand down to the opening. "I'm going to give myself to you. But you have to stretch me first." Clark nodded, and carefully wriggled his finger inside Lex, and then he inserted the other one. Lex's face carried a serenity about it, and his whole body was relaxed. "It can't happen all at once. We're going to have to do this gradually." As Lex spoke, he tore open one of the prophylactic wrappers, took the lubricated condom out and reached between them to put it on Clark, assuming that since Clark had bought them, he had wanted to be safe and use them. 

Lex positioned Clark to enter him, and Clark withdrew his fingers. Clark was poised at the opening, and when he saw Lex nod that he was ready, Clark pushed into him. Lex's arm wrapped around Clark's back, his eyes shut tight and a pointed inhale marked the onset of ragged breathing. Holding him closer, Lex encouraging him to move, Clark inched in bit by bit, waiting at every interval for Lex to draw him nearer. It was not too long before Lex was completely impaled on Clark's cock, and then Clark began with small strokes, pulling out a little and plunging back in, increasing speed and depth with every repetition. Lex arched up to meet the thrusts that were so careful, like he was a fragile thing that Clark might break. They were moving in harmony. The flicker of the burning candles cast shadows over the curves of their bodies and played upon their skin, carving out different angles with every movement they made. Soon, they were immersed in euphoric waves that brought them to the peak of ecstasy. Lex's come spilled out and his nondescript moans started to form a chant of Clark's name. Clark buried his head in Lex's shoulder and drove into him as he began to come. 

As Lex felt Clark's body racked with spasms, he wrapped a hand around his head and lost his fingers in the damp hair. "I love you so much, Clark." 

Clark came with a violent shudder and it jolted through Lex's body. When Clark stilled, he spoke into Lex's ear. "I love you more than anything, Lex." 

And Lex gripped Clark in his embrace, holding on like his life depended on it. 

* * *

The next morning, Lex was wide-awake when Clark finally began to rouse. Clark smiled dreamily as Lex looked over at him from where he sat with his back propped up against the headboard. When Clark saw the somber expression on Lex's face, he sat up and studied the sadness in Lex's eyes. It was heavy with ambivalence, and Clark seemed to read a lot into Lex's sullen look considering the previous night's events. He grimaced and reached out to graze the side of Lex's face with the back of his fingers. "Lex?" 

"I have to tell you something." Lex's voice was so weak, so fragile, and he saw Clark's brow crinkle as he tried to understand what it could be that Lex had to say. "You're probably not going to like it..." Lex wanted to go on, but he could not express all his fears related to Clark's reception of this news. He had purposely put it off, but he could not deny Clark the truth. 

Since Lex grew eerily quiet after that, Clark urged him to press forward. "What is it?" 

He took a deep breath and then looked directly into Clark's eyes with sincerity. "I got my memory back two days ago." 

The worst spell of shock contorted Clark's angelic face. "What?" That question was half anger and half confusion. 

"I wanted to tell you, but..." Lex trailed off as Clark jumped out of the bed, putting a room of distance between them. 

His eyes darted all over the room, the extinguished candles all around and Lex in his bed. He was not wearing anything, and he seemed to suddenly be all too conscious of that fact when he had been very comfortable with it until this point. "You lied to me... Why did you do that?" His tone was genuinely searching for reason, motive, a hidden agenda, and that was a bad omen. 

Lex climbed out of the bed, and took a few steps towards Clark. He wanted to make Clark understand, wanted to hold him, wanted to be held, but when Clark backed himself up against the wall, Lex halted in his tracks. He felt like a knife was being twisted in his heart, and he nearly doubled-over from the emotional pain of it. "For some reason, I thought you might not take it too well." 

"And last night! What was that? Was it just some game?" 

"No!" Lex shouted it, though he had not meant to do so. He was trying to emphasize his objection to that idea, but he could see Clark was being ripped apart by the conflict this revelation posed, by all the retroactive issues it raised. 

"Then why did you do it? Why did you sleep with me pretending you still didn't remember anything?" Clark did not seem to know what to make of this unexpected twist. His defenses appeared to be kicking in as he attempted to rationalize everything because he could not reconcile what he knew of who Lex was now with who Lex had been, and perhaps he would not be able to accept them as one in the same. The notion scared Lex, but he was compelled to do as best he could to make the truth known whether Clark accepted it or not. 

He just wanted to lay his case on the table. "Because I wanted to be with you. And I didn't think you would want to be with me if you knew. I wanted it to be special, because I knew it would probably be the last time we'd ever be together." Lex was emptying his soul out before Clark and hoping that Clark heart the desperation in his voice, the love that was still there, the regret for his deception these last couple days. Clark was just frozen though, and Lex could not thaw the wall he seemed to have built around himself suddenly. "When I got my memory back, I knew I should have said something, but I was afraid you'd hate me. I knew it would change things, and I didn't want that. I just had to be with you once before I told you, because I never wanted it to end. I only wanted to make it last a little longer." 

"I don't understand." Clark seemed to be struggling with Lex's declarations, but Lex had known it would be like this. After all Lex's tricks and traps, he did not realistically expect Clark to spontaneously forgive him all his past transgressions and buy that his soul had found new life in him. It sounded too far-fetched, too ridiculous, too good to be true. The hardest part, what really drove the dagger into the bleeding wound was that Lex knew that he would be responding with the same amount of incredulity and extreme suspicion if he were in Clark's place. He could not blame him for being so skeptical. 

Still, Lex was begging Clark's sympathy, grasping for a light in the sudden pitch of darkness. He was suffocating and he needed Clark's approval to breathe. "I meant every single thing I said to you. And every single thing you said meant something to me. You told me you had faith in me, and always would. No matter what, remember? You promised, no matter what..." He broke off, finding it too tough to keep going. 

The glare Lex received in response scalded him, as if he were speaking vile and treacherous abominations. "Get out." 

"Clark..." He was on the brink of breaking down, but he redirected the tears inside so he might drown in them or choke holding them back. He made one last appeal, his voice anxious, distraught, and teetering on the crest of devastation. "Clark, I don't want things to go back to the way they were." 

"I don't believe you." Clark shook his head. "Get out!" 

Lex surrendered. His heart was shattered and he did not have it in him to fight anymore. It was plain that Clark was bent on seeing this in a tainted light. Lex closed his eyes, and with a timbre that was almost inaudible, he conceded. "I'm going." He walked over to the closet and grabbed his suit by the hanger, the same one he had come into this house with several weeks ago, and he walked towards the door. He would go down the hallway, dress in the bathroom, and leave. Before passing through the threshold, he turned to look at Clark with red, glassy eyes. "It was easy to fall for you once all of the bullshit was out of the picture, without being Lex Luthor. You know why it came so naturally? Because I had feelings for you back when you were in high school, back when we were friends. And being who I was? That's the only reason I never did anything about it... The night I was shot, just before that bullet hit, I thought I was going to die and I wished I had a different life to remember. It was nice to get my wish." He saw Clark's eyes reflect his sorrow. "Just so that you know... I really do love you. I never lied about that." Clark winced a little, like he would burst into tears. Lex took one last look at him and left. 

* * *

Night had fallen over Metropolis. Lex had spent the entire day wandering the city. He went everywhere that used to be so familiar to him, but now all those places felt like they were part of a world that had passed away, part of him that had been buried, and now he had nobody and nowhere to provide solace. Finally, with nothing left to do, he returned to his penthouse. The homecoming felt like a funeral. He was mourning the loss of something wonderful that had only lived for thirty days. The most tormenting part was knowing that the only thing left for him was the old life he now abhorred. 

When he walked into the penthouse, Lex was gripped by the most wretched notion that this was all he would ever have, all he would ever know until the day death actually did come for him. He would not resume his old ways, and the remorse he felt over that part of his life just made him feel even hollower. He was living with no purpose. At the very least, he had something he could always remember fondly, which was much more than he ever had before. He had no clue where to go from here, but he had something to look back on, which he deemed was better than nothing. 

Before he could switch on the light as he entered his bedroom, he heard knocking and realized it was coming from the balcony door. When Lex's eyes saw Clark standing on the other side of the glass, he was stunned, and some ember of hope in him rekindleed. He went to the door, and before opening it, he recalled a very pertinent detail. He gestured to Clark that he would be there in one minute and ran to find the control panel mounted on the wall for the security system. The main one had already been disabled when he came in, but there was a back up that ran all the time. It was Kryptonite-based, a security measure devised to keep Superman out of his domicile. He disarmed it, and ran back to open the glass door. 

Clark stood out there with the wind blowing through his hair, whipping at his simple clothes, and he hesitated to step inside as if he did not know he was welcome. He stared into Lex's eyes with heavy grief. He was miserably silent, so Lex greeted him. "Clark. How long have you been waiting out there?" 

His voice was so timid and meek. "Since noon." 

"That was twelve hours ago." Lex could not believe Clark had been here that whole time. That meant he had come about three hours after Lex had left his place. He did not know what to say or how to act, but he wanted to take advantage of this moment. Maybe if Lex was lucky, they could work things out and all would not be lost. "Do you want to come in?" 

His eyes filled with tears as he spoke. "I'm sorry." Lex was speechless, and Clark did not seem to know how to interpret that. His anxiety grew and he searched Lex's face for something that he did not seem to see. "Have I completely ruined any chance of us being together?" 

"No." Lex shook his head to reinforce his answer. "No, you haven't." Lex wrapped his arms around Clark, hugging him tightly to him. "Everything's going to be different, I promise." 

Clark pulled back and let Lex guide him inside. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to think. I panicked and I know I shouldn't have, but I was so worried about you getting your memory back and hating me that it just filled me with this paranoia about it, and when you didn't hate me or want to leave, it just really confused me. I was so stupid to ever doubt you." 

"No, you weren't." Lex laid his hands on Clark's face, trying to show him he understood. He already knew the kinds of impressions that Clark could have gotten all too easily to screw with his head in this situation. "It's alright, Clark. If I were you, I would have reacted the same way." Lex ventured into unspoken territory, wanting to be absolutely clear on what Clark's intentions here were. "If you still want me..." 

Clark interrupted, his insecurity frighteningly plain. "You don't need me, though. You have your life back." 

"I don't want it back." Lex could not stress the significance of that sentiment enough. "I was happy with you. For the first time in my life, I was really happy." His own eyes began to well up again, even after he thought that well had run dry sometime earlier this evening. But these were different tears that wet them now. These were born in joy too sacred to be expressed. Lex's lips pressed against Clark's, reclaiming the lovely mouth he knew now was truly his. He broke from the contact. "I need you." 

He spoke into Lex's lips. "I'm all yours." 

Lex kissed him more deeply this time, passion sweeping through him, and he lowered Clark down onto the large bed behind them. Suddenly, he pulled back, feeling discomfited by their surroundings. "Clark, I don't want to stay here. I want to go back to the apartment with you." 

Clark grinned enormously up at him. "Then, let's go home." 

* * *

They had taken the subway back to Clark's at Lex's request. The entire journey had taken an hour and a half at this time of night and they had made every step of the way hand in hand. As they walked in the door, they headed straight for the bedroom. Their trip here had been pretty quiet, almost every nuance of communication silent 

That is, until suddenly, Lex stopped in the middle of the hallway. Clark whirled around to see Lex scowling at him. "Hey! I do not have a mafia fetish." 

Clark smirked. With a tinge of sarcasm, he replied, "Sure, you don't." At that, Lex turned to go back the way they came, but Clark grabbed his arm before he could get to the door. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"Back to the penthouse to pick up some Kryptonite. It's the only chance I have of ever winning an argument." 

Clark swung him back around and brought Lex in close to him. "Oh, no! You're never leaving this apartment again. You're going to be a househusband." 

"I suppose I can work from home." He raised a playful eyebrow as he gave Clark a mock sideways glare. "But if I'm going to be stuck here, since we know I have money, now can we get satellite?" 

His mouth dropped open and he shook his head, confounded by Lex's maniacal sense of humor, not to mention his tenacity. "You're incorrigible!" 

"You have no idea." Lex took the lead, as he marched ahead and pulled Clark with him into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. 


End file.
